Scattered
So this is weird. I was feeling very unmotivated to work, so I watched La Femme all over again. my goodness, I have issues. believe me. then I got tired of that and fell asleep. I had a very weird dream, woke up multiple times, sporatically, then finally got up. It's 6am. I slept for a good 12 hours. What on earth? I wasn't even tired. But I had a dream that was particularly in tense. I remember some excitement, but a whole truckload of 'scaryness'. Getting kidnapped and locked into this house/resaturant thing and trying to find a way out, having the people that are in the dream change at random, not being able to trust anyone as we escaped from this kidnapper....obviously have issues.
There are all these things I'd like to say, but I ask myself whether it's right to blog about or not. Sure, there's no right and wrong to blogging, but there is this view attached to bloggers. the question of 'why would you write such personal information about yourself online so people can see?' And so each time I blog, that does end up happening to me. I begin to question my purpose for blogging and the thigns that I write, and wonder if it's 'inappropriate' or 'appropriate' or whatever elese. Whether we want to or not, there's a part of us that desires to be accepted and on the 'approved' list of others. Whether they're your friends or not, you still need it. The only thing that differentiates us is the level to which this need for acceptance consumes your heart and mind. That's why some people could care less about what others MIGHT think or say, and just get everything off their chest via long blurbs on blogs, whereas others have to carefully choose each word prior to use, then construst sophisticated sentence structures and tactics which are seemingly straightforward, but ambiguous, thus protecting the writer from showing any vulnerability or 'excess expression' that could be perceived by others as being 'too much' or 'too emotion-full' or just 'inappropriate'.
Obviously my thoughts are all scattered.
But I tell you now that my life is all scattered.
I'm tired of running alone. I really am.
I want to give up.
There are all these things I'd like to say, but I ask myself whether it's right to blog about or not. Sure, there's no right and wrong to blogging, but there is this view attached to bloggers. the question of 'why would you write such personal information about yourself online so people can see?' And so each time I blog, that does end up happening to me. I begin to question my purpose for blogging and the thigns that I write, and wonder if it's 'inappropriate' or 'appropriate' or whatever elese. Whether we want to or not, there's a part of us that desires to be accepted and on the 'approved' list of others. Whether they're your friends or not, you still need it. The only thing that differentiates us is the level to which this need for acceptance consumes your heart and mind. That's why some people could care less about what others MIGHT think or say, and just get everything off their chest via long blurbs on blogs, whereas others have to carefully choose each word prior to use, then construst sophisticated sentence structures and tactics which are seemingly straightforward, but ambiguous, thus protecting the writer from showing any vulnerability or 'excess expression' that could be perceived by others as being 'too much' or 'too emotion-full' or just 'inappropriate'.
Obviously my thoughts are all scattered.
But I tell you now that my life is all scattered.
I'm tired of running alone. I really am.
I want to give up.
posted by SYL at
6:28 AM
2 Comments:
i know you always wanna think things through before you say stuff. but at that rate, nothing will get said. so sometimes you just gotta say what it is that's on your mind regardless of whether it's "appropriate" or "inappropriate". you may feel that it's inappropriate, but what's the purpose of a blog? to express yourself! It's like nike...or not...haha. just say it? ;) *big hug* (yeah, SO not what i would do)
i meant the hug part. i usually only hug my mom and my dog.
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